


the moon shines down

by xigithy



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:02:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22792930
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xigithy/pseuds/xigithy
Summary: Xemnas waxes poetic over a number of things. Saïx permeates his musings.
Relationships: Saïx/Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts)
Comments: 12
Kudos: 57





	the moon shines down

Up on the roof of the Castle That Never Was, Xemnas stands in silence, arms stretched out towards the vast sky- his arms open and inviting and _reaching_ for the soft light of the moon as someone would reach for a lost love. 

In a way, he muses, he is. For what greater lost love is there than his heart? The aching, hollow part of him yearns for it as his comrades do, and though he knows _this_ Kingdom Hearts will not reunite him with that lost puzzle piece of his being, a foolish part of Xemnas can’t help but cling to that sliver of hope that _maybe-_ that _somehow_.

Against the black, inky backdrop of the midnight sky, their Kingdom Hearts hangs heavy and nearly full to bursting. The pale glow of it warms him like the sun and to be able to stand beneath it, bathed in its radiance, is a privilege unlike any other. As Xemnas gazes upon it and watches, an echo of pride swells in his empty chest as heart after beautiful heart floats from the grounds below and up to their final resting place in the heavens. It would appear that the keyblade wielders were hard at work with the tasks set upon them. Excellent. With Roxas and the puppet both collecting hearts for them quicker than he can count, Xemnas has no doubt in his mind that their plans will be fully realized sooner than any of them had anticipated.

“Sir.” 

The familiar voice of his right-hand kisses his ears and a faint smile ghosts across Xemnas’s features. Turning, Xemnas fixes Saïx with an expectant stare, both his own silent acknowledgment of the other man’s approach and his wordless urging for Saïx to speak. With a nearly imperceptible bow of his head, Saïx draws in a breath and his eyes flit towards the night sky.

“Numbers Thirteen and Fourteen have made significant progress in their collection of hearts.”

He pauses to begin shuffling through a set of papers in his hand and- as he scans the words scrawled across the pages- a cloud above them shifts, and a brilliant, stray moonbeam gleams down upon Saïx.

“Axel has reported no further setbacks with the puppet, and Roxas’s strength is returning steadily. Everything seems to be back on track.”

The moon’s pale light highlights every minute detail of Saïx’s face and, for a fraction of a moment, Xemnas forgets himself. He blinks at the other man, a soft gasp escaping him as Saïx reaches up to brush an errant strand of hair behind his delicate ear and- for what feels like the hundredth time this week- he has to remind himself to _focus_ on the other man’s words, rather than Saïx’s movements. But, as Xemnas is wont to do, his mind wanders- and he loses himself in the gentle, pleasant drone of Saïx’s voice as the other man updates him on the goings-on of the Castle. 

This… sensation of falling whenever he sees Saïx now, this... _feeling_ is troublesome. No matter how he tries, he cannot shake the notion that it should not be. They do not have hearts of their own and therefore, they do not have feelings to call their own. The only thing nobodies like themselves can feel are the impressions of the past, ghosts of emotion that run like call and response; automated reactions to external stimuli that aren’t really _theirs_ to call their own.

But Kingdom Hearts would reunite them with their hearts and, again, they would be whole. That was the lie Xemnas had spoken as gospel truth since his founding of the Organization, and the others had taken it at face value. They’d lived their lives according to the false dogma, and for ten years simply _existed_ , without a hint of emotion. 

Though, these days, Xemnas can see that the facade is beginning to fail. He can see the little ways their humanity has begun to return to them, see the ways that their emotions have begun to peek through- like resolute flowers breaking through paved concrete paths. 

But _Saïx_ was a curious creature. 

Though there were inklings that he, too, had regained splintered pieces of his heart, Saïx was the most determined to keep up the faux veneer of a heartless nobody. It was admirable, in a way, Saïx’s dedication to preserving the illusion. But there were little moments that he is certain Saïx is not privy to, where Xemnas can see the jealousy flash across the other man’s cold amber eyes, or see the slight, upward twist of his mouth at the satisfaction of seeing the keyblade wielders wedged further beneath his thumb. They were infinitesimal, humanizing moments for the Luna Diviner, and every single one Xemnas was allowed to be present for was like a flash of warm light in the darkness. It made the Superior long to see what _else_ Saïx felt- to see the softening of harsh features or to hear genuine mirth in his voice as he laughed- _really_ laughed. 

“Xemnas.” The corners of Saïx’s mouth tug down into something of a frown as he fixes Xemnas with a quizzical stare. 

“Hm?” 

“...your orders?”

Yes… of course. Saïx, ever the industrious adjutant, would be expecting a new assignment from him. But… the hour grows late, and there was nothing Xemnas wanted less than for his right-hand to work himself to the point of exhaustion. He draws in a deep breath through his nose and nods once at Saïx.

“Look to the moon- to our Kingdom Hearts.” Xemnas turns about-face to again raise his gaze towards the sky. “Let the power of it encompass and exhilarate you...What does she whisper to you, I wonder? What do you feel, bathed in her glow?”

Saïx takes a few steps forward, gliding past Xemnas to approach the balcony, and sets a hand lightly on the railing as he too lifts his head to the heavens. Xemnas watches, transfixed, as Saïx lets his eyes fall shut and breathes in slowly. 

“I hear… the longing of our people. Crying to the moon for their hearts.” A soft glow begins to encircle the Diviner and his grip on the railing tightens incrementally. “She knows the emotion we yearn to feel again, how desperately we crave to be whole.”

Xemnas follows after Saïx, eyes still glued to the other man, and comes to a halt at the balcony railing, their arms only just brushing. Saïx opens his eyes at the contact and brilliant, flaxen irises stare back at Xemnas. For Saïx’s own sake, this was only a fraction of his potential- the full power of the moon would occasionally prove too much for him, and he often would lose himself in its intensity- but still, watching him now, Xemnas can feel a resonating pang of concern as the other man divines the currents and whispers of the moon into something tangible. 

“There are things that still yet need to be accomplished before we can be complete again,” Saïx continues, and Xemnas can see the trance-like state of him begin to wane. “We… it shouldn’t be long now.”

The full hold of the moon on Saïx splinters and the younger man comes back to Xemnas with a shaky exhale of breath. The two are unmoving for a minute, and there is no sound between them save for the thunderous sound of a _heartbeat_ pounding in Xemnas’s ear- so loud he could swear Saïx might hear it as well. The other man makes no indication that he can hear the din, but… Xemnas’s eyes drop to Saïx’s grip on the railing and he watches as Saïx’s fingers flex and reach towards his own. Something about the sight turns knots in the Superior’s stomach- not unpleasant, by any means- but confounding in its own right.

Why does Saïx, of all people, provoke such a response from Xemnas? Why does Xemnas look at him and so often feel the odd, twisting feeling of floating as their eyes meet? Why does every passing brush of fingertips across limbs make his mouth go dry in that way that makes him think no drink will ever be enough to satisfy him?

Xemnas closes the gap between their fingers then, reaching to take Saïx’s smaller hand and cradle it in his own. The look Saïx gives him is one of comfortable confusion- bewildered, but not so much that he feels compelled to pull his hand from within Xemnas’s, which prompts a soft chuckle from the older man.

“Forgive me,” Xemnas begins, and the usual bold confidence in his voice has melted to a gentle sound that even he is surprised by. A delicate shade of blush hugs the apples of his cheeks as his eyebrows knit together. “I was so taken by you, it felt only right.”

“It’s… alright.” Saïx turns to fully face the other man, his features softening as their eyes meet. Xemnas can see the same distant pink begin to tinge the undertones of Saïx’s cheeks and, again, Xemnas is overcome with the floating sensation of sinking. 

A singular heartbeat of silence passes between them. Neither man makes a move, but likewise, do neither of them pull away. The tension is palpable and rising as they stand beneath the radiant glimmer of Kingdom Hearts, but it is not a tension that Xemnas is familiar or uncomfortable with. Something in the moment, something in the way that beautiful eyes like liquid honey- so similar to his, and so _entirely_ different- stare up at his own tugs at the strings of the ghost of Xemnas’s heart. 

Then, surrendering to his own indulgence, Xemnas gently lifts Saïx’s hand up and tugs it towards him. He pulls Saïx near, hovering so close to his own lips that the familiar smell of fine leather gloves wafts upwards and greets his nose like an old, familiar friend.

“...May I?”

The question is soft-spoken and so _quiet_ that Xemnas is almost certain he’s inquired too faintly for Saïx to hear. He clears his throat, resolved to suffer the ordeal of repeating himself, but before he can get the words out, Saïx nods- more enthusiastically than perhaps either of them expects.

He presses his lips delicately to the back of Saïx’s hand and, as he kisses plush, worn leather, Saïx hums a pleased _‘oh’_. Their point of contact is severed in but a moment- Xemnas would not deign to be more presumptuous than that- but as he pulls away, Saïx stops him, curling his fingers around Xemnas’s and pulling their hands into a proper embrace.

“I-” Saïx hesitates, clearing the crack in his voice away, and averts his eyes, something like vague embarrassment blooming on his face.

The Superior runs his free hand along the curve of Saïx’s jawline, marveling for what feels like the millionth time at how magnificently crafted every inch of him is, and hooks a finger under his chin so that he can nudge Saïx’s head up to face him. 

Saïx takes a step towards Xemnas, closing what little gap is left between them, and positions their bodies nearly flush with each other. If the heavy, driving drumbeat of his not-heart wasn’t something Saïx could already hear, his present proximity to Xemnas was sure to give the older man away. 

“May I kiss you?” 

The query is asked before Xemnas even knows his lips have parted and answered by Saïx just as quickly.

“Yes… please.”

And in that moment, whatever uncertainties Xemnas still holds with regard to his feelings- as to whether or not he himself even _has_ the things- evaporate into the night sky. Like the hearts below them float from their masters up towards Kingdom Hearts, so too do Xemnas’s doubts and unease ascend from atop his shoulder to the heavens above them.

Their lips lock seamlessly- like they were sculpted for each other and each other alone. They kiss, and it’s like his heart has settled back into his chest- like it’s reclaimed a place it never really _left_ to begin with. This… emotion, this feeling, was unlike anything Xemnas can ever recall having felt before and, if the way Saïx kisses him back eager and needily is any indication, the other man feels similarly. 

This is what the Organization was working towards; this feeling- this _freedom_. And if this is what Kingdom Hearts will grant them, Xemnas will stop at nothing to see their plans complete.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a late Valentine's Day gift exchange fill for a server I'm in! 
> 
> It's my first time writing Xemnas proper and he was an absolute joy to try and take on. I kept coming back to how Nomura said in the past that Xemnas started in development as a very romantic character and, I don't know, something about him has always struck me as a highly romantic person- so I took that and ran with it.


End file.
